Somebody asked me, in order to be so positive about cancer, does that mean you have to deny your feelings? The answer is definitely no. I can spook myself quickly and easily. It doesn’t happen often now, but it can happen. It happened on Saturday morning. I wrote about it in the blog, but was then shy to share it with you.
I did not like my oncologist when I first met him. He gave me no hope. I am working on meeting him with respect tomorrow. He is a scientist. I am an artist. Our minds and lives run on different tracks. He is doing his job, and I am finding wonderful ways to show him there can be more than one prognosis.
I am tired. I am happy. I’m home after 5 hours of chemo, a conversation with the extremely serious oncologist, and a blessing from the extremely shy hospital Chaplin. Two friends have just visited me an given me Reiki. I am blessed and am I am blissed.
During the drive home though the mountains I said to Merche, I don’t want to frighten you but I have to do something, so I wound down the window. We’d just had a celebratory lunch on the beach. The mist was so thick we couldn’t see the sea, but we could see hundreds of seagulls resting in a little lagoon.
‘I’m getting better I yelled out of the car window, I’M GETTING WELL!!! Merche joined in with appropriate loud happy noises.
That’s what the oncologist said, not in a reluctant way because he has to backtrack now, but he said these very words, and there was a faint, a very faint smile. My heart soared and my mind went blank.
He hadn’t offered this information. After telling me in English what tests they had done and that the results were favourable, I asked, are you telling me I’m getting better? ‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘You are getting better.’ At this stage Merche joined the conversation and we switched to Spanish.
Too tired to write more except to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being with me on this journey. Your positive thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement, plus the whole village in the Andes in Peru who are praying for me every single day – thank you dear Padre Rene - are making miracles happen. Bless you and thank you one and all.
Love this quote: Ram Dass: "We're all just walking each other home."
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