Friday, 11 November 2016

Questions and answers.

Dear  friends,

I hesitated to share this on Wednesday evening when I wrote it. It’s about the morning we in Europe heard the news that shocked most of us to our core.  I've finally decided to share it because I think it’s been an experience of pure Devine Intervention. 

We all need to find a way to hang onto the hope/faith/ belief that love will triumph - despite everything.  Despite Everything. This is my trump card, my only card.

And this is how the Universe helped me on Wednesday.  It's kind of changed everything, depsite everything.

Sometimes answers come before we've worded the whole question.

The drawings were  made today - feeling the parting of Leonard Cohen.

Wedesday 9.11.2016. The day Donald Trump is elected President of the USA.

I’ve just come back to Spain from my 'big trip.'  Visiting my 4 grandchildren in Scotland for the first time in two years was wonderful.  Chemo grounded me for many months, but not any more.  On my return to Spain, I decided to stay overnight in Malaga.  Ryanair lands at midnight, too late to drive back to the mountains.

Writing this ‘story’ brings a kind of conclusion to Wednesday for me.  It brings a very clear intention of how I want to continue to be in the world, despite everything. Despite Everything.

And I know in the last 48 hours many of you have also shifted your own horror and fear thoughts into a  spiritual perspective. I am deeply moved by stories from American friends who are dealing with their shock, aligning themselves with the healing power of nature, or joining with others, starting the safety pin campagain, making something beautiful and powerfully creative out of their grief. small story...

I awoke to the news and felt stunned. A dreadful dark bottomless doom flooded my heart.  How could this possibly have happened was my first and then repetitive thought?

After a cup of  hot strong black coffee in the hotel cafe, I went outside into the winter sunshine.  Numbed and bleary eyed by brain fog and shock,  I saw a young woman sitting on the pavement.  She was crying and begging. 

She asked me for money and I said I was sorry I didn’t have any change, which was true, but I had  banana in my food bag, so I gave her that.  She pleaded again for 2 € to buy milk for her baby.

Again I apologised, but wait a minute I said.  My heart was seeing what my head was blocking.

I went back into the comfy warm hotel to gather my thoughts, or rather to open my heart.

Standing dazed in the impersonal lobby surrounded by loud TV screens, people breakfasting, young German tourists dashing in and out of lifts,  something  pierced my spirit.  

Suddenly, on this day of days, I knew, I knew, I knew, to be giving, to be generous, to be kind was all that mattered.

So how much would I give her?

Woah.  Was she a junkie, acting out a desperate need?  Was she genuine?

Somehow, instantly, it didn’t really matter at all.  She personified everybody in the world who was desparate at this moment in time.

I have survived stage 4 cancer.  I have reasons to be joy-filled. I must never forget this, despite everything, Despite Everything.
I am 24 months away from my own rock bottom.

So I went back and asked her her name, and where she came from.

She was Spanish, aged about 24, slim, with long black hair.  
To see a young Spanish woman begging and crying  on the street at 10 in the morning was new to me, and deeply shocking.  

She pleaded again for 2€ to buy milk for her 5 month old baby.  She'd  left her partner months ago because he was violent.  She  told me she had  an older child and couldn’t get work.

I bent down to give her a 10€ note and her arms immediately shot up and pulled me to her.
Still sitting cross-legged on the pavement, she embraced me and held me in her arms in the most loving heartfelt hug. The kind of hug a best friend would give you after an absence of months... or years.

She wouldn’t let go.  Now she seemed to be crying for joy.  Her dark head rested against mine, black hair against white hair, and I hate to tell you, I thought – ohhhhhhhh, I hope she doesn’t  have fleas!  

I straightened myself up at last, zapped that thought, and realised the extraordinary beauty we were sharing  in that moment. It was almost too much to bear.  She was giving me her wholehearted  joy, and I  had given so little, and could have given so much more.

I stroked her cheek the way the Spanish do. It was the only way I could apologise for having been so cautious.

As I reached the hotel, just 20 meters away, I turned to see her one more time.  There was no sign of her anywhere.

How could she possibly  have disappeared so quickly?  Did I imagine this whole scenario? 

So every day, I'm continuing to  look out for signs, signals and messengers for guidance and clarity, encouragement and direction.  And for new teachers.

Without fail and without asking, they always show up!

Somehow, despite everything, Despite Everything, I felt blessed and blissed and peaceful all day, the same day the world felt turned upside down at breakfast time.

Heartfelt hugs to you all, and may peace befriend  you too.

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss